Proposed for removal
Proposed removals
Listen before you add
In tense discussions, restate the last person's point to their satisfaction before adding your own.
Borrowed from improv theater, as taught in Truth in Comedy by Charna Halpern and Del Close. Read the original source.
One session · Minutes to start · Anyone on the team can start it
Try this first
When it gets heated, ask the next speaker to say in one sentence what the last person meant, then make their point.
Use it when
A tense discussion where people are talking past each other.
Skip it when
Save it for tense or high-stakes discussions. Applied to every exchange it grates, and people start working around it.
How to introduce it
In a heated or high-stakes discussion, ask each speaker to restate the previous point, to that person's satisfaction, before adding their own. It replaces the usual habit of rehearsing your reply while someone else talks.
How to show up
Hold the rule lightly but keep holding it, especially as the heat rises. Slow the exchange enough that people take each other in.
How long it takes
A minute to explain. It then shapes the discussion it's used in.
What makes it hard
Early restatements come out sloppy or dismissive, which shows nobody was listening. Treat that as the finding, and ask them to try again. The rule feels slow under heat, which is when it earns its keep.
What it looks like when it's working
People capture each other's points accurately, and the discussion stops circling because nobody feels unheard. Sloppy or skipped restatements mean listening has not improved.
How long until it sticks
A few charged discussions before people internalize listening-before-adding as a habit.
How you know it stuck
People check that they understood before they respond, without anyone asking.
The idea behind it
Most people in a tense discussion are loading their answer, not listening. Proving you heard someone changes what the conversation can do.
Where it comes from
Improv theater. A listen-back norm in tense discussion. A core exercise has you literally repeat what your partner said before adding, forcing real listening.
Also fits: The people who know something don't say it