Proposed for removal
Proposed removals
Aim for "that's right," not "you're right."
Summarize someone's view back until they say "that's right," the moment they feel understood and start to move.
Borrowed from Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, in his book Never Split the Difference. Read the original source.
One session · Minutes to start · Anyone on the team can start it
Try this first
Summarize their view in a sentence or two and ask whether you got it right. Adjust until they agree you have.
Use it when
Someone doesn't feel heard and is digging in.
Skip it when
Never use it to walk someone toward an answer you already chose. People smell a technique, and it costs you more than the argument.
How to introduce it
In a stuck conversation, put the other person's view into your own words and keep adjusting until they say some version of "that's right." Do not settle for a fast "you're right," which usually means they want the conversation over.
How to show up
Slow down. Reflect their position back accurately before you argue your own. Resist the urge to rebut. Prove you understood first.
How long it takes
It adds a few minutes to a conversation and often saves far more.
What makes it hard
Your instinct is to make your case before they feel heard. That instinct is the thing to resist. A quick "you're right" is a warning, not a win.
What it looks like when it's working
The person relaxes and says yes, that's exactly it, and the conversation opens. A flat "you're right" that closes things down is the opposite signal.
How long until it sticks
It feels slow at first and becomes natural after a dozen real conversations. The skill is accurate summarizing, not clever wording.
How you know it stuck
It shapes how the team argues when people reflect back before responding, and "let me check I have your view" is a normal opening.
The idea behind it
People do not move until they feel understood. "That's right" is the sound of it. "You're right" often means they gave up.
Where it comes from
Hostage negotiation. Summarize the other side until you hear "that's right." Plus: "no" is safe. Designing consent so people can decline lowers their defenses. The turning point is when the other person feels so understood they say "that's right". You get there by summarizing their view.