Proposed for removal
Proposed removals
Calibrated "how/what" questions
Ask open how and what questions instead of yes/no or accusatory why ones, which draws out more and puts people less on the defensive.
Borrowed from Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, in his book Never Split the Difference. Read the original source.
One session · Minutes to start · Anyone on the team can start it
Try this first
Swap one why did you for a what led to.
Use it when
A conversation is stuck in yes/no or accusatory "why.".
Skip it when
Sometimes you need a straight yes or no, or a specific fact. And open questions should not become a way to dodge a hard question that needs asking directly.
How to introduce it
In a tense conversation, reach for questions that start with how or what. How are we going to make this work. What is the biggest risk you see. They draw out information and leave the other person some control. Why did you do that does the opposite and closes them down.
How to show up
Model open questions, especially when your instinct is a pointed why. Catch questions that are accusations wearing a question mark, and help reframe them.
How long it takes
No setup. It's a change in how questions are asked.
What makes it hard
Under stress people default to why, which triggers defense. Catching that mid-sentence takes practice. Open questions can also read as evasive when the moment calls for directness, so match the question to the need.
What it looks like when it's working
Questions pull information out and keep people open, and tense conversations yield more than they did. Questions landing as accusations, and people clamming up, means the calibration is not happening.
How long until it sticks
Expect a few weeks of use before open 'how/what' questions become the default over closed or accusatory ones.
How you know it stuck
Why did you gives way to what led to, without anyone prompting it.
The idea behind it
The shape of the question shapes the answer. Open questions open people. Why and yes/no questions close them.
Where it comes from
Hostage negotiation. In a tense conversation about AI, an accusatory why puts people on the defensive. How and what keep them talking. Ask open questions that start with how or what. "How are we going to make this work?" hands the other person the problem and gets you more than a yes or no.